My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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