Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize