i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
