but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
