I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
