Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?