I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.