i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.