i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
