sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
