How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
