just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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