she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize