remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
please come you make the beer taste better
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
