so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
