Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
