with your own penis?
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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