I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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