that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
