...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
