He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
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whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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