Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
