What a fucking waste of an outfit
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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