ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
