I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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