If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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