I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
