I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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