He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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