I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he puts the penis in happiness.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
