why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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