He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
