You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
