it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
