end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
