Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
