fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
