Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Small penises have feelings too.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
