Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
