i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
