Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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