wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
