I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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