Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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