You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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