I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
