Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
