I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
