I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
