HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
