That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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