Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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