The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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