We won't sleep together?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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