Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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