Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
40s are totally the cure
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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