Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
