found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
