I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
