playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
