I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
