I think scott just propositioned me for sex
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
