I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
