You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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