Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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