I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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