every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
