I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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