At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
another moral hangover. fuck.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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