I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
