does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
