Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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