is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
