New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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