I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
