Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
