Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
