Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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