he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
