I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
